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Asking to Share

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inquiry & integration

inquiry instructions

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Inquiry: Do I specifically ask for permission when I want to share something that might be emotional or sensitive? 

Personal Integration: This practice can be done alone or with a friend, lover, or counselor. Take one to five minutes or longer to contemplate and answer the question. When done with another, it is essential that the listener remains neutral and encourages you by repeating this inquiry as needed to help maintain focus.  This addresses one of the most misunderstood reactions many people have regarding psychotherapy.  How often have we heard statements like “I was just expressing my feelings.” or “I was trying to be authentic” or “I was just telling why I was angry.”  Each of these emotionally loaded expressions are much better received if the receiver is prepared.  If we ask for permission first, we have a much better chance that the person is ready to really take in and listen to what we are feeling.  if we look closely, we will see that just downloading our feelings without asking if it’s a good time or if our partner is available, is frequently unsatisfying.  Many times it will lead to a struggle or suffering.  This very simple but advanced practice, is one that will humble the most evolved of us, as we are often prone to spontaneous expression.  Take as much time as possible to see all the times when you haven’t asked for permission, and how it has worked out.  This is especially critical when we are expressing anger or frustration.
 
Inquiry 2:  Can you look back at times you have spontaneously expressed angry feelings????? or received your partner’s anger? Imagine instead asking or being asked sensitively “is now a good time for you to listen?” or “Do you mind if I express some difficult feelings that I have been struggling with?”
 
Personal Integration 2: Follow the same instructions as above in the monologue or repeating question format.  If you really look back you may even feel a little silly (which is a good thing) that you haven’t done this before.  When you ask your partner or friend, let it be from your heart.  Experiment with finding your sincerity, tenderness, and presence, as you ask for permission.  Notice the feeling of being considerate, and how good it would feel for another to approach you this way. This is a very simple concept, but f it is profoundly difficult to practice in real time for many of us because it requires a complete rewiring of our conditioning.  so The priority is to continue to increase the percentage of time that we remember to ask before expressing.  Let your imagination find your wisdom and your heart.
 
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Since 1972, Humanistic Spirituality founder Robert Strock has maintained a private spiritual and therapeutic counseling practice that specializes in purposeful living, relationships, spiritual psychology, and death and dying counseling. Humanistic Spirituality provides various spiritual workshops, guided mediations, and licensed marriage family therapists and licensed social work continuing education courses. Contact us to learn how we can help you find inner peace and spiritual awareness through our counseling, or our free guided meditations, videos, audios, writings, introspective guises and more. A warm welcome from the team at Humanistic Spirituality.

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