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Tone of Voice: A Hidden Source of Peace... or Suffering

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inquiry & integration

inquiry instructions

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Inquiry: What is my actual tone of voice when it is least congruent with what I really feel, and mean to say?

Personal Integration:  This practice can be done alone or with a friend, lover, or counselor. Take one to five minutes or longer to contemplate and answer the question. When done with another, it is essential that the listener remains neutral and encourages you by repeating this inquiry as needed to help maintain focus.  Let yourself remember the most challenging interactions that you have had in the last few months and continue to ask the question above.  Notice the quality of your tone in each interaction, and the words that you are speaking.  See if you can observe the difference between the two with curiosity and without judgment.  Let yourself make a mental note or perhaps even write down the differences that you notice, as these patterns are likely to repeat themselves.

Inquiry 2: Which undesirable tones do I sometimes justify, by insisting on the meaning of the words, and not what they really sound like, and who do I trust to support me the most in this practice?

Personal Integration 2:  Take some time to first ask yourself who do I trust to listen to me, and who can encourage me to be accountable for my own tone of voice.   This may sound like a simple task, but it is important to recognize that it requires great maturity for someone not only to listen to you, but also have the maturity to not feel obligation to validate you.  So often our friends just reinforce that we are right.  Ask your friend to help you watch for any tendency of justifying your tone of voice, rather than being accountable.  Many times it will be necessary to seek the help of a counselor, as you may not have a friend that is capable of this kind of feedback.   It is invaluable to have an ally in this effort to be congruent and accountable. 

Inquiry 3:  Am I open to watching my tone of voice more closely, and seeking to open my heart in order to find the purer qualities inside me?  (refer to Introspective Guides Page 3)

Personal Integration 3:  Take some time on your own or with another to first flash on the challenging tones that you have a tendency to use, and then with the help of the introspective guide reach inside yourself to really find the healing tone that is the opposite, healing tone.  This requires you to tune in vibrationally, and focus on what you NEED, rather than what you don’t like.  Don’t be discouraged if it is difficult at first, as it is a quantum shift, especially since we’re dealing with lifelong patterns.  Speak out loud regardless of whether you are alone or together and experiment with the desired tone. Notice what percentage of the healing tone you can actually put into sound.  Appreciate your honesty of seeing how much you can and cannot find your heart, and let it be the inspiration to dedicating yourself to this as a daily practice.


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Since 1972, Humanistic Spirituality founder Robert Strock has maintained a private spiritual and therapeutic counseling practice that specializes in purposeful living, relationships, spiritual psychology, and death and dying counseling. Humanistic Spirituality provides various spiritual workshops, guided mediations, and licensed marriage family therapists and licensed social work continuing education courses. Contact us to learn how we can help you find inner peace and spiritual awareness through our counseling, or our free guided meditations, videos, audios, writings, introspective guises and more. A warm welcome from the team at Humanistic Spirituality.

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