NASW Approved Provider
While it sounds obvious, many of us simply don't realize that there is a link between our feelings and our underlying needs that often go unmet. These lists are designed to help us more accurately understand what we feel and guide us to what it is we’re missing. The Underlying Needs/Qualities list can help us discern those underlying needs that correspond to and are connected to the feelings, and by doing so, help us see what to pursue that will be most healing in our lives. Please utilize them while watching the videos or anytime you are unclear about exactly what you are feeling and need. Our guides are an invaluable resource for therapists, clients, and anyone wanting to understand and take better care of themselves.
| Resistant Feelings | Underlying Needs/Qualities |
|---|---|
| Agitation | harmlessness, relaxation, peace |
| Aggression | contained, peaceful, receptivity, communication |
| Alienating | befriending, receptivity |
| Annoyance | acceptance, friendliness, nonjudgmental |
| Aversion | kindness, acceptance, embracing |
| Cold | tolerant, kind, friendly |
| Competitive | cooperative, inclusiveness, connection |
| Contracted | expansion, acceptance, opening, receptivity |
| Disgust | harmlessness, tolerance, acceptance, embrace |
| Distrust | trust, faith, |
| Exasperated | calm, tolerant, accepting, |
| Frustration | tolerance, support, cooperation, encouragement |
| Guilt | acceptance, self-trust, innocence |
| Hatred | reflection, tolerance, acceptance, understanding, |
| Hostility | acceptance, tolerance, friendliness, kindness |
| Impatience | control, tolerance, patience, ease, acceptance |
| Intolerance | patience, acceptance, receptivity |
| Irritation | harmlessness, calmness, peace, kindness |
| Jealousy | adequacy, self trust, confidence |
| Judgmental | acceptance, tolerance, kindness |
| Pessimistic | trust, positivity, |
| Moralistic | receptivity, humility, acceptance |
| Outrage | harmlessness, tolerant, peace |
| Rage | harmlessness, peace |
| Repulsion | tolerance, presence, acceptance |
| Resentful | harmlessness, calm, tolerant |
| Resistance | receptivity, presence, engagement |
| Sarcastic | humility, kindness, respect |
| Self Hatred | acceptance, kindness, love |
| Skeptical | trusting, accepting, |
| Superiority | appreciation, |
| Uptight | peaceful, relaxed, friendly |
| Wary | witnessing, presence, calm, self confident |
| Vulnerable Feelings | Underlying Needs/Qualities |
|---|---|
| Anxiety | relaxation, Peace, ease, calm |
| Despair | kindness, encouragement, hope |
| Embarrassment | comfort, trust, confidence |
| Emptiness | tenderness, acceptance, fullness, meaning |
| Fear | courage, security, trust, faith |
| Grief | relieving, loving, kind, tender, |
| Helpless | capable, competent, helpful, |
| Hopeless | tolerance, acceptance, comfort encouragement |
| Hurt | comfort, soothing, healed |
| Inadequate | acceptable, competent, sufficient |
| Incompleteness | acceptance, satisfaction, fullness |
| Insecure | security, trust, awareness, faith |
| Insufficient | adequate, satisfied, abundant, |
| Lonely | connected, befriended, affinity, loved |
| Lost | attentive, aware, content |
| Needing | satisfied, fulfilled, complete |
| Pain | comfort, help, well being |
| Regret | sensitivity, contentment, connection |
| Remorse | responsibility, self-trust, innocence, |
| Sadness | acceptance, relief, comfort, happiness |
| Shame | honor, innocence, trust |
| Sick | gentleness, wellness, healing |
| Sorrow | relief, help, tenderness, |
| Wanting | adequate, satisfied, |
| Weak | acceptance, bold, strength |
Tones of Voice
With every utterance, our tone of voice communicates so many things – some we are aware of and many we are not. Awareness of our tones of voice is a critical tool in helping us discover our intentions, our moods, whether or not we are sincere, and so much more. Gaining this awareness gives us the chance to understand how we unwittingly are hurting others and ourselves, and can help us focus on the purest qualities of our heart.
| Challenging Tones | Healing Tones |
|---|---|
| Agitation | relaxation, peace |
| Alienating | acceptance, receptivity |
| Annoyance | acceptance, friendliness |
| Aversion | acceptance, embracing, receptivity |
| Cold | tolerant, kindness, friendly |
| Competitive | inclusiveness, connection |
| Contracted | acceptance, receptivity |
| Distrust | trust |
| Exasperated | tolerant, accepting, |
| Frustration | tolerance, support |
| Guilt | innocence |
| Hostility | friendliness, kindness |
| Impatience | patience, acceptance |
| Intolerance | patience, receptivity |
| Irritation | harmlessness, calmness |
| Jealousy | adequacy, self trust |
| Judgmental | acceptance, tolerance |
| Moralistic | humility |
| Outrage | harmlessness, tolerant |
| Resentful | harmlessness, tolerant |
| Resistance | receptivity, presence, |
| Sarcastic | humility, respect |
| Self-hatred | acceptance, love, self-compassion |
| Skeptical | trusting, accepting, |
| Superiority | appreciation, mutuality |
| Uptight | peaceful, relaxed |
| Wary | presence, calm, self-confident, trusting |
