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While it sounds obvious, many of us simply don't realize that there is a link between our feelings and our underlying needs that often go unmet. These lists are designed to help us more accurately understand what we feel and guide us to what it is we’re missing. The Underlying Needs/Qualities list can help us discern those underlying needs that correspond to and are connected to the feelings, and by doing so, help us see what to pursue that will be most healing in our lives. Please utilize them while watching the videos or anytime you are unclear about exactly what you are feeling and need. Our guides are an invaluable resource for therapists, clients, and anyone wanting to understand and take better care of themselves.

Resistant Feelings Underlying Needs/Qualities
Agitation harmlessness, relaxation, peace
Aggression contained, peaceful, receptivity, communication
Alienating befriending, receptivity
Annoyance acceptance, friendliness, nonjudgmental
Aversion kindness, acceptance, embracing
Cold tolerant, kind, friendly
Competitive cooperative, inclusiveness, connection
Contracted expansion, acceptance, opening, receptivity
Disgust harmlessness, tolerance, acceptance, embrace
Distrust trust, faith,
Exasperated calm, tolerant, accepting,
Frustration tolerance, support, cooperation, encouragement
Guilt acceptance, self-trust, innocence
Hatred reflection, tolerance, acceptance, understanding,
Hostility acceptance, tolerance, friendliness, kindness
Impatience control, tolerance, patience, ease, acceptance
Intolerance patience, acceptance, receptivity
Irritation harmlessness, calmness, peace, kindness
Jealousy adequacy, self trust, confidence
Judgmental acceptance, tolerance, kindness
Pessimistic trust, positivity, 
Moralistic receptivity, humility, acceptance
Outrage harmlessness, tolerant, peace
Rage harmlessness, peace
Repulsion tolerance, presence, acceptance
Resentful harmlessness, calm, tolerant
Resistance receptivity, presence, engagement
Sarcastic humility, kindness, respect
Self Hatred acceptance, kindness, love
Skeptical trusting, accepting,
Superiority appreciation, 
Uptight peaceful, relaxed, friendly
Wary witnessing, presence, calm, self confident 


Vulnerable Feelings                Underlying Needs/Qualities
Anxiety relaxation, Peace, ease, calm
Despair kindness, encouragement, hope
Embarrassment comfort, trust, confidence
Emptiness tenderness, acceptance, fullness, meaning
Fear courage, security, trust, faith
Grief relieving, loving, kind, tender,
Helpless capable, competent, helpful,
Hopeless tolerance, acceptance, comfort encouragement
Hurt comfort, soothing, healed
Inadequate acceptable, competent, sufficient
Incompleteness acceptance, satisfaction, fullness
Insecure security, trust, awareness, faith
Insufficient adequate, satisfied, abundant,
Lonely connected, befriended, affinity, loved
Lost attentive, aware, content
Needing satisfied, fulfilled, complete
Pain comfort, help, well being
Regret sensitivity, contentment, connection
Remorse responsibility, self-trust, innocence,
Sadness acceptance, relief, comfort, happiness
Shame honor, innocence, trust
Sick gentleness, wellness, healing
Sorrow relief, help, tenderness,
Wanting adequate, satisfied,
Weak acceptance, bold, strength


Tones of Voice

With every utterance, our tone of voice communicates so many things – some we are aware of and many we are not. Awareness of our tones of voice is a critical tool in helping us discover our intentions, our moods, whether or not we are sincere, and so much more.  Gaining this awareness gives us the chance to understand how we unwittingly are hurting others and ourselves, and can help us focus on the purest qualities of our heart.

Challenging Tones Healing Tones
Agitation relaxation, peace
Alienating acceptance, receptivity
Annoyance acceptance, friendliness 
Aversion acceptance, embracing, receptivity
Cold tolerant, kindness, friendly
Competitive inclusiveness, connection
Contracted acceptance, receptivity
Distrust trust
Exasperated tolerant, accepting,
Frustration tolerance, support 
Guilt innocence
Hostility friendliness, kindness
Impatience patience, acceptance
Intolerance patience, receptivity
Irritation harmlessness, calmness
Jealousy adequacy, self trust
Judgmental acceptance, tolerance
Moralistic humility
Outrage harmlessness, tolerant
Resentful harmlessness, tolerant
Resistance receptivity, presence,
Sarcastic humility, respect
Self-hatred acceptance, love, self-compassion
Skeptical trusting, accepting,
Superiority appreciation, mutuality
Uptight peaceful, relaxed
Wary presence, calm, self-confident, trusting

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Since 1972, Humanistic Spirituality founder Robert Strock has maintained a private spiritual and therapeutic counseling practice that specializes in purposeful living, relationships, spiritual psychology, and death and dying counseling. Humanistic Spirituality provides various spiritual workshops, guided mediations, and licensed marriage family therapists and licensed social work continuing education courses. Contact us to learn how we can help you find inner peace and spiritual awareness through our counseling, or our free guided meditations, videos, audios, writings, introspective guises and more. A warm welcome from the team at Humanistic Spirituality.

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