Inquiry: What was I taught about sex, either by example or words, that has made sexual intimacy more difficult?
Personal Integration: This practice can be done alone or with a friend, lover, or counselor. Take one to five minutes or longer to contemplate and answer the question. When done with another, it is essential that the listener remains neutral and encourages you by repeating this inquiry as needed to help maintain focus. This is a time to remember all of the specific messages that you heard from your parents or caregivers. Were you taught about the importance of being connected to another when having sex? Were the messages rigid? It’s important to reflect on what you saw in your family. Were your parents affectionate? Was sex a hidden or private subject? Were your parents comfortable with nudity in front of you? Did you sense their sexual energy? If so, was it displayed in a way that made you feel drawn toward it or repeled. It is very important to realize that your conditioning is likely to remain, even after you have done a good deal of work on yourself
Inquiry: 2 What is my truest guidance of what lovemaking can really be in my life?
Personal Integration 2: Follow the same instructions as above in the monologue or repeating question format. Consider every aspect of your intimate connection with your partner, including kissing, affection, oral sex, experimentation, rhythm, tenderness, passion, communication, which parts of your body like to be touched or do you like to touch… Ask yourself what you believe is the truest guidance you can give yourself to support your life experience, and not be affected by conditioning. What do I believe will serve my life, be pleasurable, considerate, intimate, how do I want to touch and be touched? Trust yourself as completely as possible. Release inhibitions, rules, and let yourself be your own master. Have some fun realizing that you have the right to guide your own sexual life.
Inquiry 3: Can you let yourself co-exist with both your inquiring wisdom and your conditioning at the same time?
Personal Integration 3: Follow the same instructions as above in the monologue or repeating question format. It is helpful not to think you have transcended your sexual conditioning, and this question will help you stay aware of both your wisdom and conditioning together. Let yourself look at each specific area of you sensual life, first from your conditioning, and then access your wisdom. Be sure you consider your feelings about nudity, foreplay, oral sex, , , tenderness, passion, touch, sound, smell, playfulness, orgasm, massage, feel into the parts of your body that like to be touched, and the parts that don’t, and consider the same areas with regard to your partner. This will deepen your capacity to zero in on areas that are still affected by conditioning, and how much you are able to integrate your counterbalancing wisdom.
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